Recently free agents Dewayne Wade, Christopher Bosh, and Lebron James made history by signing free agent deals with the MIAMI HEAT setting the NBA on fire. Sports commentary has discussed this up and down and several owners in the league have cried foul. The fans and ownership in Cleveland has gone as far as to call Mr. James of all things……a trader and Benedict Arnold. Since they’ve given their opinion which they have the right to I’m going to give mine. In a league(NBA) where roughly the players are about 75-80% minorities why does this surprise some people. On draft day the nation witnesses a lot of minority players become millionaires and some say they don’t deserve it. The NBA has a history that started out one way and has become dominated by minorities as many other team sports. Yes race is rearing it’s head, shoulders and every other body part but it doesn’t shock me and shouldn’t shock you. This is the same country that has a Black president for the 1st time in 219 some odd years and he has received more death threats than any other president and I wonder why? Back to this free agent signing. What did these guys do wrong? They exercised their right under the free agency policy to try to win a championship and this is a bad thing? A bad thing for who….. the fans, owners, or the media? Let’s take the owners specifically the Cleveland ownership. Your team had the best record in the league the past 2 seasons and was put out both years. The trades you made didn’t work, the players you signed didn’t make a difference and the guy you called names was the NBA’s 2time MVP. He did his part and you came up short. If you didn’t like him why didn’t you trade him? There were free agents that could helped you this year but you did nothing to get them. To the fans……get over it. His loyalty isn’t to you. To cry tears and burn a jersey means your priorities are out of whack. You mean to tell me your happiness comes from an athlete who you don’t even know? Your kids look to him for guidance when you should have them looking at you. Get a life and stop acting like a 3rd grader. Take that passion for “LEBRON” and put it into the schools, shelters, and your fellow man. If you haven’t noticed life is difficult and you can’t worry about what you have ZERO control over. To the sports stations and reporters would say negative things about 3 non-black athletes exercising their right to play wherever they want? If NASCAR drivers Dale Earnhart Jr. or Jimmy Johnson changed teams to be a winner would we have all this backlash? Why worry about someone else just worry about yourself. Let’s look at it like this…..take your job doing whatever you do. Just say a company offers you a better deal for you and your family are you going to stay where you are making whatever you make or consider improving your life? Loyalty is to your family and not in professional sports or a job. You can be replaced at any time and whose the bad guy then? To me it’s about color all over again and it stinks! Don’t let the media influence what you should feel, think and say. Their job is to sell news and get you to buy it. Control your emotions and call them out. Controversy sells and feel good stories are just that. Wake up people and focus on yours and not everyone else. Just my opinion but what do I know. Your thoughts please.

Recently I was in Los Angeles,Ca for the 2010 BET Awards. Can you say unbelievable because it was just that. Stars from film, TV ad of course the music industry were there in full force but there were 3 noticeable ones missing. I’m talking Grammy Award winners, chart toppers and idols for men, women and children. I’m speaking of Jay Z(Sean Carter) his wife Beyonce Knowles and Rihanna. The rumor last year was that if Chris Brown was to perform, all 3 would not attend. Needless to say Chris Brown didn’t perform and all 3 were in attendence. This of course stems from the domestic violence case Brown caught against his girlfriend at the time Rihanna. Sounds like a honest stand against violence right? Well this year Chris Brown did perform and those same 3 were no-shows. Last year Brown wanted to perform as a tribute to Michael Jackson but didn’t due to the obvious. That wasn’t the case this year when he gave a heart felt performance and hadgrown men like me in tears with his tribute to his idol. This is were I’m confused. Jay Z is known for rapping about his past life as a hustla(drug dealer) and a lot of other entertainers brag on their past transgressions but this 19-20 year old young man makes one mistake and you want to black ball him for life? How many families have crumbled due to there love ones becoming addicted to drugs, becoming prostitutes to feed there habit or in jail for robbing, killin and anything else to reach that high. I’m at no point saying what Chris Brown did is ok but just don’t act like your holier then thou. T.I. went to jail on gun and drug charges, Lil Wayne is serving time now, Gucci Mane gets out and we celebrate that with a big party and video. Now here’s where it gets really funny……the 1st thing some of them say when they get there award is…..I’d like to thank God!!!! Are you serious? Forgive and forget….heard of that? He who is without sin may he/she cast the 1st stone? If your preacher was to confess that he’s been unfaithful some of yall would forgive him/her without blinking an eye. Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it’s not a chix….. I’m just saying….Is it really a stand you’re taking or are you just a hypocrite? What are your thoughts?

There seems to be a new thing going around. Maybe you’ve heard this question or maybe you’ve asked this question yourself……Are you dating me or your friends? If you or your mate asks this question just don’t discount it and move on to the next topic. With that question coming up someone has issues in your relationship. Maybe they’re insecure or you’re making them insecure. There’s nothing wrong with having good close friends but friends are just that……they’ll be there. If you’re looking to start something or share your life with someone your friends should respect that and try to do the same. Justifing hanging with the girls or guys just further lets your mate know that’s where your priorities are. Maybe you just don’t need to be in a committed relationship if your friends mean that much to you. If you have to check with the fellas or girls before you make plans with your mate you are wrong on so many levels. People complain about not finding someone to committ to and when they do they want to hang with there friends over there mate. This just doesn’t happen to young couples it happens to mature ones too! If you have to beg your mate to spend time with you it’s already over and your just going thru the motions. NEVER BEG someone to share your world or to do things with you. Find someone else………PERIOD! And you know I’m right.lol What do you think? Have you done this before?

How many times have you seen a couple out on the town where either the man or woman looks uncomfortable with the person they’re with. His pants are showing his rear end or maybe her chest is falling out of her shirt and/or her skirt is way to high. I had a listener email me saying that she’s mad at her man because all he wearsare jeans that hang low off his backside. She went on to say that he’s over 35 years old and doesn’t see a problem with it. Her son wants to copy his father and the dad is OK with it. It’s pretty simple….the way your mate dresses before you get together will be the same way after for the most point. If you except something in the beginning that’s how it might be unless you talk about things. If she loves wearing tight, low cut clothes that probably won’t change over night so get use to it. Be careful what you except in the beginning and try to change later because you might have some problems. Styles are no excuse for sloppy dressing. Your clothes are an outward expression of you. Don’t you think so?

 I support movies for us, by us, and about us but this makes the second time I’ve seen this happen in a movie and said when I saw it….STOP!lol  I just saw “Why Did I get Married Too” today and was entertained. To be fair there were some places in the movie that were predictable. Like the part in the movie when Jill Scott’s character asks her ex-husband whom she claims to be over to help her new husband get a job. It happened the same way in “Soul Food” when Nia Long’s character asks her ex to hook up her man with a job. First of all when we saw that you knew exactly what was going to happen. Ladies that was just a movie so please don’t start that in your relationship.lol  As a woman do you really think your ex wouldn’t use that over you if they still wanted you like “Mike” wanted her in the movie? Not to say you can’t be on great terms with the ex but that should be one thing to stay away from. It’s like this…would you want your husband asking his ex wife or girlfriend to help you lose weight or learn how to satisfy him better? I understand why it was in the movie because it’s a hot issue and yes it does happen but it needs to STOP!  I can be a caveman of somethings but come on?????? What do you think? Share a story.

What does dating mean to you? It sounds like such a simple question but yet we seem to make it difficult. Some people look at dating as having a variety of different relationships with no real expectations. Keeping things light and no real boundaries. Probably in the urban community dating is almost exclusively one on one until  recent years. Of course there’s some exceptions but on the whole we don’t openly casual date. Maybe that’s the problem with urban relationships. We don’t think outside the box when it comes to relationships. Maybe if more people would date a variety of people casually it would take some of the pressure off. Maybe it would give you a real good look at the person for who they are and not what they can provide  for you. I know for me with the dating nightmares I put myself in I could probably benefit from slowing down and dating casual. Dating doesn’t mean your sleeping around either. Just getting to know each other with zero expectations and if things happen we handle it as adults.No matter what side of the fence your on when it comes to dating just make sure your honest to eachother about what you want from eachother. Sounds simply enough right? RIGHT! So….What is dating to you?

So many times people say they want a good person in their life and when it happens they’ll take advantage of  the situation. Working here I get a lot of letters, emails and phone calls from men and women saying the person they are with is great but…….. Personally I think people that ask for what they want and get it and are still not satisfied are selfish people and will never be satisfied. It’s like someone who says that has other issues about relationships they haven’t settled and if that’s the case why are you asking for something when you still have commitment issues? Selfishness comes to my mind. I’m not saying people need to settle but stop being so superficial and stop making up excuses for your short comings. I recently had a young lady email me that she loves the guy she is seeing and he’s everything she has asked for but she had issues with her dad not being around and she has had bad relationships. She’s scared he’ll leave her like her dad left her mom. What can you say to that?  How about this….stop asking for blessings that your not ready for. I’ve been in a situation like that and let me tell you it sucks. When you think you’ve found someone only to find out you’ve been wasting your time with them it really shows lack of respect for you and selfishness on their part. Unless the issue is resolved your relationship is heading nowhere. If you know you have issues about relationships……..stop getting into them! Remember you get out what you put in. If you want to be by yourself then do just that. If you want to lie to yourself that’s one thing but don’t do it to the people who care for ya.  Just my opinion but if you like drama continue to do what you’ve been doing. What do I know huh?

So much attention is put on holidays and gift giving I’m wondering when it’s just gonna become apart of our lives. For some of us it’s routine. I’m not a Scrooge and I do believe in giving and doing for the one you love but there are limits. Commercials on radio and TV make it seem that if your not spending you don’t care. Do you know how to love without buying gifts? Here’s some questions…Does all the things you do wrong go away when you buy that gift or box of candy? How much time does the gift give you before you have to buy another one? Is your love based on money, jewlery or gifts? Do they really love you because they spent X amount of dollars on you? Is the gift for you or is it for your self esteem? I can honestly say that when I give to my lady it comes from the heart and I do it all year. When it’s expected of you to buy and spend to me that’s when it’s not real. Valentines Day is truelly a kids and women’s holiday and should be welcomed and not expected. For the ladies only…..If your love only shows you he loves you with flowers and candy one  day a year you need to find another lover. If you except the 1 day of love you deserve everything you get and no need to complain. NO MAN should expect anything but a hug and a kiss for Valentines Day. If he is upset that you didn’t get him something…ask him who’s the woman and who’s the man.

I was reading a very interesting article on ‘Why black women believe men so easily when it comes to religion. The author went on to say that she interviewed over 250 single, married and divorced women combined and the one thing that the majority of them had in common was religion and wanting a religious man. They were from different socialand economical backrounds but they shared religion common. The majority of the ladies said that they are attracted to men who say they attend church  and/or express religious beliefs. Some of the ladies say that their men only expressed those beliefs to impress them and they didn’t go to church before they started to date or before they got married.  They said  there men talked one thing but actions said another. Have you even thought about this before? Do you know someone who believes any and everything a person says as long as it’s about religion? It’s not just black women although it might seem like it because in our culture the churches are busting from the seams with black women. Some of the ladies expressed that even when a man has done them wrong they always have the church to fall back on. Every situation is different but the next time your in church just take a look around and you’ll see the make-up of the congregation. The article wasn’t painting anyone who attends church regularly in a bad light it was just showing how people can be manlipulated when there guard is down. It’s the last place and the last thing you’d think someone would lie about but it happens everyday and not always in church. It could be at school, work, or anywhere. The state of Missouri’s Slogan is “The show me state” and that’s how I roll. Talk is real cheap and I’d like to be judged on my actions. In summary just because someone says all the right things about what your passionate about  doesn’t mean you should give them the key to the city without examining things first hand. Satan was extremley knowledgible of the word and you know what happened to him right? There’s an old saying….Believe all of what you SEE and half of what you Hear. Your thoughts are welcome.

You know when Usher’s new song “PAPERS” came out I had a feeling of Deja Vu! I could’ve swore he was in my head because it felt like my situation a couple of years ago. I love the line…” But who the hell argue n fight like dogs at 6 in the morning?”lol A classic line. After you sign those papers make sure everything you want out of the marriage/relationship like furniture, cars, dishes, pictures and other stuff you get in writing! A promise or just a verbal ok doesn’t work at all and legally you have no leg to stand on. This past weekend I was suppose to have my daugther for the weekend but things went south. Visitation was something that I never got clarified. It just said reasonable visitation and now when I want to see my child there’s always an excuse waiting. This time I was ready to get her at 11am Saturday only for her mother to tell me she was coming to Greensboro saving me a trip. Needless to say I didn’t see her because an excuse was made to why she wasn’t gonna make it to town. Never mind that I was going to get her 7 hours earlier and had made plans for us all day. This is just one of many excuses given and yes she tells my child that your DAD doesn’t want to come and get you. I know it’s hard to believe that a parent would purposely lie to a child to make another parent look bad but you don’t know my ex-wife or maybe you do. Learn from mistakes in the past and GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING! Your ex doesn’t have your best interest at heart so don’t give them credit for anything. There’s a reason they’re your ex so holidays, birthdays, school plays and such just make sure you have a plan and take all emotion out of it. Remember it’s not about you and them it’s about the kids! Results may vary but take it from me….. just get it in writing!